I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
