guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
