oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
