You work out of a Hotel?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
