new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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