8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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