her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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