The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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