She said her name was "party"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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