so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they're like a gay fantastic four
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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