Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
