She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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