Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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