it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
