It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
