if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
