there was a trapeze. enough said
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
