I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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