How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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