the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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