You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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