Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
