i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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