babies were throwing up all over the place
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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