Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
