Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
