dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
