Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
