I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
