hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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