3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
