That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
