I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
