I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
