hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
