I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
