from now on my penis is your penis
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
