We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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