My room smells like vodka and shame
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
