Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
