I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Let's paint friendship bongs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
