I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We were destined to go to rehab together
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
