Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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