This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
