I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Barsexuality is the new black.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
