New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
