He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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