OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
