look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
