I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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