Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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