i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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