does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want her autograph on my taint
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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