Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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