never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
